STARRY SKIES, DREAMY EYES../ Saturday, September 30, 2006
DRUGGED.
been living on a diet of Mac, Panadol, and Red bull.
that sucks...big time!
i feel like a
drugged cow kicking his own balls because it is red...and i dont have
milk.(lol!)
i know that my flesh would probably not rot when i die because of the
'shit' i have in my body now.
but i cant help it.
i want it darn badly.
~~
i know that
certain things...no matter how much u try, u might not get..exams dont seem to be one. ( i hope!)
thats why im virtually working my 'balls' off to do well.
i hope the cambridge people are
blind, and they aren't vain.
that's because my handwriting still sucks, (although i read them fine!)
i hope he's
blind to my errors too.
maybe that will make him happier - and me too:)
~~
recently, friends around me had not been happy.
because, their life is
shitty now.
(but, FUCK! whose life isnt
shitty)
life's shitty...that's why we
shit every other day! (if u dont, u are full of
shit.)
darn. i haven been
shitting though.
looks like red bull doesnt contain lots of fibre.
maybe i should eat paper.
rather, i think i should make it into a
'round' and throw it on my
'lost' friends.
WAKE UP!!WE DONT HAVE MUCH TIME LEFT...IDIOTS!*whew*
now im darn
tired.im going to go
sleep now.
_______________________________________________
to my 'angels': pls concentrate okie..i not it's ain't easy...but plsss try...for your sake!
to all friends: could u do mi a favour and tag or something, and pray that i will do well for 'A's'? im begging now. cant focus. feel like shit. need all the encouragement i can get. thanks la.
~~ blogging today, becoz i noe there are people there for me. thanks!
..if u only hold on tight..
6:26 PM <3
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STARRY SKIES, DREAMY EYES../ Tuesday, September 26, 2006
SILLY 2!!
someone messaged me ytd.
tink she read my blog.
it could be
Mich.
she said about
'thanking a certain silly guy'this guy mst had
like her alot.
he gave her 'chocolates', seached for 'slippers' for her, knows her favourite 'drink' and even 'wrote a song for her...'
hmm.
i wished i was
'him'.
~~
she thanked him for the 'secs', 'mins', 'hours' and 'months' he
spent on her...
but gave him,
none of hers. she said that ' a
silly guy [like him] could 'surely' find a girl who will do
silly things for him'
but all friends could see and would agree,
that Mich is cute, attractive, innocent and
silly!
she's resisting.
she's not willing to be that girl.
~~
that guy's doing his 'A's
he will probably flunk it.
how can a
silly person, study well?
poor guy.
__________________________________________
to T.S.H : didnt reply u ytd. sorry! didnt know what to reply! should i say 'thank you?' or 'u're welcome?'
both are not what i want.
darn.
hee. jst realized mi grades are alrite! haha! the '
bitches' worked!
..if u only hold on tight..
12:17 PM <3
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STARRY SKIES, DREAMY EYES../ Monday, September 25, 2006
SCREWED.
sometimes i wonder if 'u'( the reader!) like my style of writing.
i dun really give a damn though.
although it'd be nice to know that someone out there is share the joy/sorrow that i have in writing this shit.
'nolite te bastardes carborundorum' its means 'dont let the bastards grind u down'
latin. a important phrase in my text.
word for word, 'bastard' would go for '
bastardes'
hmm. lets change it to bitch.
'bitches'i jst failed two papers.
'bitches'darn.
'bitches'screw them all!!'bitches'thanks for being with my rantings.
damn..bad mood todae.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ps. dun be a
'bastardes' and use it on yr teachers.
jamee: stilll vomitting? take care hor!
..if u only hold on tight..
4:57 PM <3
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STARRY SKIES, DREAMY EYES../ Sunday, September 24, 2006
that wasnt the last post:)
i didnt realize that i have 'fans' reading my post! thought i jst finish the 'Mich' part once and for all.
*silence*
IM going to
FORGET her.
'You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true.'*why can i hear laughter? hmm...weird*went for the BBQ for xiang's(sorry i still owe u a entry!) birthday thingy.
her slippers screwed, told her to go buy fast, but she took her time.
the shop closed.
she lied, and told me she bought it.
i saw through it at once.
she's still wearing someone else's shoe.
in the end, on my own, still searched for slips for her. but when i found it at 7 eleven and called her again....(xiang: thats why i missed yr b-dae!)
she lied again. (but in the end, she cycled to buy it there, anyway:)
really dont understand...why cant u jst give me a chance to be good to u?
'我爱我承认 唱到我声嘶力竭 那又如何 你值得更好的男人'okie. (or O-KAY!)
im going to save my tokens now.
not going to bother about u anymore.
everything i do is to make u happy, if i makes u happier to u if i dont..i wont.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~when we were coming back from east coast, she sat next to me.
she ask mi to 'siam!' but i heck...heheh.
she slept.
she looks cold.
i shifted the aircon 'tube', ( i cut myself, the damn thing's stuck!)
she doesnt know.
'我们都没错 只是不适合......快乐是我的 不是你给的 寂寞要自己负责'i wan to tell her, the words, that my ipod's screaming to my ear.
i wanna tell her, she's my
dream girl.'dream girl' only appears in dreams, and never a reality.i wanna tell her, 'elves!'
but she couldn't hear! but she wouldn't hear.
....
'But it's time to face the truth,I will never be with you.'dun link the both of us together anymore.i closed my eyes,
and fell asleep.
i didnt
dream.i must not
dream.(i thought of
the title of this entry!) -go see!
rats.
..if u only hold on tight..
9:31 PM <3
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FULL STOP.
wont be blogging for some time.
realli pissed with my school work and such.
haiz. it seems that im losing my enthu-ness at this crucial time but i cant help it.
everyone's saying:
'its the last stretch! sprint! sprint! sprint!'
but to me, i feel that 'it is like a swimmer that had swam for 15 laps, and is struggling, waddling, just to finish his race.
damn.
..if u only hold on tight..
9:06 PM <3
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STARRY SKIES, DREAMY EYES../ Friday, September 22, 2006
'LOL! little miss late! u noe why la!'
DX and 'round' have the same b-day and i realize that i had not blogged about this important person in this chapter of my life. try to make this as interesting as possible, becoz, nobody would be reading this blog. i didnt tell her....yet.
hmm...'round' is one of my 'better' friends in JC. Different class, different group of friends, yet someone that i realli trust, and similar to me. when im really stressed about my studies, and felt that i should have chosen poly, i would immediately feel that 'not knowing her' is the opp. cost that i would have to pay.
ouch! thats painful!
'yu ni fen xiang de xuai le..sheng kuo du zhi yong you...'
being in JC and ARTS, means that people u hang out with have unique passions and english speaking.
she's probably the few in ARTS that watches taiwanese shows, listen to 'pop' chinese songs(rainie yang rox!) and read chinese novels, almost like me:). although she takes Chinese A, she's not 'cheena'..and can hold up a interesting debate (in ENG.) with me.
mostly we talk about relationship, she provides the 'experience', while i argue back, or 'back up' using stuff that i once read.( i luv psychology, and human relationship books!)
she's special. darn special.
though she's jst a simple girl. ( even though she refuses to admit:)
when i first met her, she's quite cold and emotionless, which is wierd.
for example, she likes to reply in SMS : ' okay. alrite. bye.'
after i told her this makes her sound cold..she sort of changed, and i tink it's now making her happier, even though she probably wont admit or realize.
'你了解我所有得意的东西 才常泼我冷水怕我忘形 你知道我所有丢脸的事情 却为我的美好形象保密..'
she's a 'head-turner.'
i once told her that i would stop saying she's cute and pretty, because 'beauty is only skin deep' and i discovered 'you are more than that.'
'attractive' is the word.
'attractive-ness' is an unexplainable aura that is exlude from her, that makes people want to be with her...
thats how i feel when im around her.
she once said: ' dont treat us to well, even if its mi ....'
how can i not?*smiles*
'我想把六色彩虹印在给你的信封 一封封我都寄给叫做牵挂的邮筒 当你无助的时候看着东方的天空 有座桥会跟你相通....'
people like to ask if we are together....
'sometimes you have friends that u are so good and at ease with, that u dont want to get into a relationship to mar it...'
thats what she said.
how right she was.
______________________________________________________________________
To 'round': now that u hav a new boyfriend, we seems to talk less, (u msgged mi less). Is it because u have to msg 'him'? Well, i dont blame u at all. Actually, i sort of planned this too..dont want 'him' to misunderstand( like the rest of the sch! LOL!)..because we are darn close.
'幸福时候 别来找我 带着你的快乐和他继续往前走....你要记得 至少还有我 一直在 为你默默守候..'
slowly you would find mi disappearing from your life. before u know it, i should be gone..
and yah. i would 'call' myself when i think of u...haha! (u know what it means)
friends forever! keyi ma?
( although u said 'forever' is very 'fake'..i still believe in it.)
thanks for being there:)
..if u only hold on tight..
11:56 AM <3
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STARRY SKIES, DREAMY EYES../ Thursday, September 21, 2006
..had steamboat with 'horse', 'chess' , 'round' , dx and his church friends. kinda fun, his friends quite nice, cook for us.. and buy extra drinks for us.. so 'thanks la'!
we first decide to walk from bus stop to esplanade but later walked back(to mrt) because none of us knew the right direction.
DX realised he lost his wallet.(ironic! b-dae boy supposed to receive presents yet he lost wallet!)
so we helped him to search for it. but after a long search..(with no success)...we went home.
what i did
then, surprised even myself.
SCENE: at mrt station
DX:' hey, i lost my wallet!'
everybody looking around, searching...
Me( opens wallet and passed him some coins): 'hold on to these, use it to take train home'
at first i could not be bothered to search but in the end (i think) searched the most...
maybe its because, i am a person that does not question why and how something happens, but try to solve it, asap.
...would never question much because i feel that
'what i need to know, would be told to me, while things that i dont need to know, are better off not known.'
hence, i let go things very easily, leaving it as destiny.
"rash decisions, coincidences, and missed opportunities makes up the equation of life"
however, to some things, i still could not let go...
"loneliness, made me think of u...
yet thinking of u made me more lonely"
i remember Mich msgged me something like this, after i played her the song i made for her...
'you are not a bad guy, but too bad, im not interested in a relationship now..hee hee.. go and chase some other girl bah..dun waste time on me.'
i was happy.(yet sad -_-")
断了的弦再弹一遍 我的世界你不在里面我的指尖已经弹出茧 还是无法留你在我身边cause its a great change to how she felt about me in sec 2.(lol! 4 yrs!)
..is everything so easy to forget?
..still strumming the song every night before i sleep...could u hear it?
well..haiz. at least i tried.
______________________________________________________________________
p.s. (to that guy) dun every
bully my 'round' okie!!
wont let u off if u do!
she likes u darn lot!
..if u only hold on tight..
3:35 PM <3
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STARRY SKIES, DREAMY EYES../ Tuesday, September 19, 2006
'SILLY ME'
saw Mich online(finally!) and wanted to pass her, her 'belated' birthday present( a big bar of chocolate, i always give her 'this' choc).. arranged to meet later, cause i need to go grab some stuff, and she's going out too.
complicated background and long story..only sec sch peeps would understand this entry bah.
waited at her block downstairs. she didnt appear.
she called and said.
'im now under my block, where are u?'
before, i could answer, my phone died.
'maybe its just what it seems, maybe we're never meant to be' ran to the mrt station to try my luck(cause she said she's going out) and waited for a really long time...
ipod playing :desree- 'life'...'hell no! its not fate! i could still change it!'i pressed the 'next track' button.
ipod played: A1- 'one more try''..give it one more chance cause i cant give u up...i could never find another like u..'she miraculously then appeared, smiling.
we move to take the train.
'hey, u went to my old house izzit?
silly u!'
i thought: 'huh? wat old house?'but replied anyway 'yeah, haha,
silly mi!'
passed her the chocolate.. she's shocked.
'wow! such a big piece! how am i suppose to bring out? sure to melt!
silly! haha! thanks!'
while keeping it in her bag.
here's the climax.
i replied seriously ' i had always been
'silly'. u noe what i mean.'
she blushed and laughed( she knows:)
my train came, and i ran for it.
ipod then started playing : fan yichen- 'i believe''..不知道在妄想什么 只告诉自己 i believe一定会有结果 在很久以后 留在你身边的是我 会陪着你的人是我....'i shuffled my ipod..
'this is the song, lala lala...elmo song....'..and closed my eyes.
..if u only hold on tight..
6:54 PM <3
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FIRST OFFICIAL POST!used to feel that people who write blogs are fake.
blogs are suppose to be somewhat of a web diary, of a person's deepest thoughts.
yet by writing in blogs is like virtually showing people what u want to show them, and that's darn ridiculous..
Like a flasher flashing his balls at the poor jap girl and getting a 'hard-on'..!
everyone have dark secrets that are never revealed--> blogs are dumb and 'show offs'
for mi, its not showing off.
but just plain sharing.
growing up makes one learn new things, but by doing so one seem to lose as much.
memories tend to fade through time
at some point, we would all forget our past.
( who could remember all their primary sch friend's names? Some are worth 6 yrs of friendship!)
well. At least I make an effort.
..if u only hold on tight..
2:22 AM <3
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